Still here!

Greetings and welcome back, One and Both faithful readers! Sorry I’ve been quiet over the last few weeks. I promise, it was for a good cause (other than just sparing you the blather, of course). More on that soon.

Meanwhile, where to begin? Do I bemoan the tragedy of Paris Hilton apparently having a row with one of her family hotels? Say it isn’t so, Glasgow Hilton! Ah, the humanity! Should I relate the important story of Oops the monkey escaping from the Roanoke zoo, which surely must warrant it’s #9 place on CNN’s most popular stories (to be fair, for once, shockingly, most of the headlines on the list are real news items)? I do enjoy snow monkeys. Here’s to hoping Oops is returned unhurt, and manages to pull off something hillarious on the way.

Should we try for a wisecrack about the recently (once again) deceased Zarqawi apparently having the phone numbers of members of the Iraqi “government” on his cellphone speed dial?

Nah. There’s no fun in beating up on worn out jokes. Some situations are so absurd in their black comedy they actually almost can’t be bent any more for comical effect.

So instead of actually doing any work myself, I’ll let this week’s collection of Saturday Cartoons update you.

So until next time, stay amused and keep an eye out for them Giant Asteroids, eh?

Good for you, Mel

Friday May 12, 11:45 AM

By WENN Film star and director Mel Gibson has launched a scathing attack on US President George W Bush, comparing his leadership to the barbaric rulers of the Mayan civilisation in his new film Apocalypto.

The epic, due for release later this year, captures the decline of the Maya kingdom and the slaughter of thousands of inhabitants as human sacrifices in a bid to save the nation from collapsing.

Gibson reveals he used present day American politics as an inspiration, claiming the government callously plays on the nation's insecurities to maintain power.

He tells British film magazine Hotdog, "The fear-mongering we depict in the film reminds me of President Bush and his guys".

An Inconvenient Truth

Go see it. It's well worth it. 

That is all.

Jesus’ Japanese Tomb

I tell ya, them Japanese are willing to work for hundreds of years on a practical joke. You have to respect that kind of dedication;

The upkeep of the site is paid for out of the profits of a local yoghurt factory, and Mr Nagano agrees that The Da Vinci Code will probably boost Shingo’s coffers. The village shop is already doing a roaring trade in Christ-branded saké. “Did you enjoy the museum?” asks Mr Nagano. “If you did, I recommend you go to Ishikawa district. They have the tomb of Moses there.”

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,25689-2201183,00.html

Good news! Spanish-American war is over!

I'll let my favorite cannons (good ol' number 47 and number 48) down in Ocean Park know they can relax from faithfully keeping the Spaniards at bay;

http://www.sploid.com/news/2006/05/treasury_dept_e.php 

Today in history

The events later referred to by Hitler while allaying the fears of his lapdogs about his own extermination plans (the legendary "Who remembers the Armenians?" line), begin on this day in 1915;

Have a look 

Amen to that

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4993444.stm

Tens of thousands of Turks have turned funeral ceremonies for a judge shot by a suspected Islamist gunman, into a mass show of support for secularism.

They waved Turkish flags and chanted for the country to remain secular on marches through the capital Ankara.

A man calling himself "a soldier of Allah" shot dead Judge Mustafa Yucel Ozbilgin and wounded four others at a top administrative court on Wednesday.

Japanese Supersonic Airliner Project makes progress

 http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/10/10/sst_test/

It says the SST will fly twice the distance of Concorde and produce just "one quarter of the nitrogen oxide emissions, and having noise levels no greater than today's conventional jumbo jets".

E3 Organizers heroically fight Dangers of Distracting Cleavage

Morons 

Must… protect… children… from… boobs…

That is, the few dozen teenagers that can afford the several hundred dollar tickets in the first place.  Yet who apparently one assumes couldn't afford a 4-dollar magazine or type in "nice rack" into Google at home and so had to be protected from their apparently one and only available ogling venue. Go figure.

World War III

Much like John Stewart, I wish I had to make this stuff up

In an interview with the financial news network CNBC, Mr Bush said he had yet to see the recently released film of the uprising, a dramatic portrayal of events on the United Airlines plane before it crashed in a Pennsylvania field.

But he said he agreed with the description of David Beamer, whose son Todd died in the crash, who in a Wall Street Journal commentary last month called it "our first successful counter-attack in our homeland in this new global war, World War III".

Mr Bush said: "I believe that. I believe that it was the first counter-attack to World War III.